Backseat Positivity
"Able to make serious topics lighthearted and fun - I even laughed at some points!"
Get your bi-weekly dose of positivity in this fun podcast with Dr Dawn Barlow, who helps you navigate all of the weird/best/worst parts of life!
Dawn takes you on the self-improvement journey you didn't realise you needed... Bought to you by a doctor who hasn't had life as sweet as many of her comrades. She knows firsthand just how rubbish life can be, yet has managed to turn her life around for the better!
From relationships to mental health to happiness, make sure you buckle up twice a week (Mondays and Thursdays) the join her and her guests for candid self-improvement. Don't forget of the course, the "weird thoughts" segment, where Dawn and her guests share weird thoughts from their lives.
Dawn says:
Sometimes life reminds me of being in a washing machine. It's a bit spinny and turbulent for a while, but then it stops and gives you a little break before spinning you into oblivion once more. It feels like the washing machine wants to wash something bad out of all of us... positivity.
Some might EVEN say that positivity is shouting from the backseat and no-one wants to listen to it... [backseat positivity] More than once a week, but less than 4 times a week, you can shove me in your auditory canals and listen to me chat about L.I.F.E., self-improvement, mental health and anything else that my little monkey-mind paws can grasp onto.
Sometimes other humans actually dare to join me.
It's candid, it's fun. Woo!
Backseat Positivity
Escaping the Consumer Cycle for Meaningful Holidays
Can holiday gift-giving truly express love and appreciation, or is it just another commercialized stressor in our lives? Join me as I unravel the emotional maze of buying presents during holidays and birthdays, a journey fraught with societal pressures and personal dilemmas. Imagine the chilly December air as I candidly recount my own struggles with the overwhelming marketing frenzy that insists we need to spend money to make the holidays special. My experiences with my boyfriend's stress over meeting gift expectations bring a personal touch to this broader conversation, as we collectively grapple with the relentless consumer cycle that spans seasons.
Tune in to hear how I tackle the guilt of present-giving, balancing financial well-being with the desire to create meaningful connections. Humorously, I share how life distractions like a broken computer and my new horse obsession have kept me from drowning in material expectations. With anecdotes from popular culture and my own life, I aim to highlight the importance of prioritizing time spent with loved ones over the stress of purchasing gifts. Let’s question whether our relationships should truly hinge on material possessions or monetary displays of affection.
Discover practical, creative strategies for turning holiday stress into genuine joy. From personalized artwork to thoughtful gift hampers, I offer ideas that emphasize planning and personal touches over financial strain. As someone who loathes shopping, I'm a huge advocate for online convenience to escape the chaos of crowded stores. By openly communicating with loved ones about gift expectations, we can reclaim the holiday season as a time for meaningful experiences, ensuring it becomes a period of connection rather than obligation. Let's save our sanity and our wallets while nurturing the relationships that matter most.
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she's back. She's back. Yeah, guess who's back? Oh, wow, that was weird. Probably as weird as I look right now, because I have decided I'm still going for my podcast top, but we're going for warmth underneath and warmth on top, because it's pretty bloody cold. Let me tell you, and it's just about to, it's the 11th of December, so I thought what better episode to air than a present guilt giving gift episode?
Speaker 1:I get enormous guilt around the holidays. I get enormous guilt around the holidays and it should be all about, like, spending time with people and, like you know, having fun, etc. No, it's just filled with enormous amounts of guilt because of marketing, marketing. What are you doing to all of us? You're making us go crazy, pretty much.
Speaker 1:Because I don't know if you've all heard of Black Friday I'm sure you have, because literally everyone in the world has. I didn't even know Black Friday was a thing until a few years ago when that video emerged on Facebook where everyone was like pretty much stamping on each other to get like the reduced price TVs and it was like what's happening, what? What happened in the world that this, this became a thing. So I don't remember it as a kid, but then maybe it's because I wasn't buying gifts and I'm still not buying gifts. So Black Friday means nothing to me, but it means a lot to Amazon. It means a lot to literally every other marketing company and non-marketing company, other marketing company and non-marketing company company that sells shit. It means a lot to them because they make a lot of money. Yes, they do reduce things, but they make a lot of money anyway.
Speaker 1:The point is, we're basically made to feel guilty because we don't. If we're not spending loads of money, then we're doing Christmas wrong, and I think that is seen time and time again. I think we don't talk about Christmas guilt enough, and there are many reasons to feel guilty at Christmas. Guys, this is not just a Christmas episode, but it is fueled by my Christmas fear. It is also my birthday is coming up and I know that my boyfriend gets really like. Also, my birthday is coming up and I know that my boyfriend gets really like oh, your expectations are really high. I'm like no, I would love to be, you know, queen for the day, not literally, but like figuratively. But I don't really care about like receiving physical stuff. I quite like spending time and like going and doing fun activities, but like I don't really care about. Like you know, I don't need like makeup, I don't need toiletries, just like just exist in the near vicinity and I'll be okay, as long as there's something fluffy around, of course, and not just this microphone head. So, yeah, it's not just a Christmas thing, it's a birthday thing, it's a I don't know about Easter, but maybe an Easter thing. It's an everything thing.
Speaker 1:And, like, christmas is particularly bad, because every there's a lot of marketing leading up to Christmas. It basically starts before Halloween, which is terrifying, isn't it In October, and then it just there's like a continuous onslaught and then the January sales happen and then it just feels like, well, it's Easter now, so now you need to go out and buy Easter eggs. It's like a constant like you need to buy more, buy more, go on, buy, buy something, buy it. Oh yeah, you'll feel good, you'll make other people feel good. Oh, the gift that keeps on giving. I don't even know what that is like a slogan for, but I know that it is a slogan and that is concerning.
Speaker 1:So, anyway, let's, let's try and get over our present guilt. Not present moment, present giving present or not giving present guilt. Now, there are loads of reasons why you might feel guilty about not giving presents. Slash might not be giving presents. See, the thing is right as soon as I start podcasting, I just get really hot. So it is.
Speaker 1:I don't know why. Oh, I look like Elvis now. I don't know why I put all these clothes on but I feel cold. And then then these lights, oh, it's like the bloody sun. So I probably do have money. That's the problem. But I just don't want to or do I want to spend it on gifts? I don't know.
Speaker 1:Maybe I'm just a selfish bitch, to be quite honest, because realistically I could save up a thousand pounds and buy everybody gifts, but I'm not doing it. Why? Why am I not doing it? Am I selfish? A little bit? Probably, if I'm honest. Who isn't literally everyone's selfish? Otherwise they'd probably be dead. Am I stingy? Maybe do I overspend on other areas in my life, correct? I do, I do, indeed, and you know I go traveling and I do. I had just bought a horse, fyi, that's where I've been for the past few weeks. I know I said I was gonna upload on Thursday and then Thursday came and went and my computer broke. That's another thing that I'm concerningly wanting to spend money on, but also it's going to cost me 800 pounds. So thanks Apple. Uh, yeah, the computer screen's broken, so anyway, that's.
Speaker 1:Another thing is there's always just loads of costs associated with life and the thing is, realistically, I could prioritize buying people loads of shit, but I think it's more about spending time with people. Why can't we just spend time with people? Like time is the gift that keeps on giving, because I don't have a lot of that and that runs out and I can't buy you that I can like. Actually, I would say that's more important than receiving any gift is just receiving someone's time, because that is something you can never get back. But we all know that, don't we?
Speaker 1:I feel like I'm not really like flowing today. I'm going to be honest. It is like 7pm, maybe I'm also a little bit like under the weather. I'm not really like flowing like I usually do, so I'm really sorry. I'm gonna battle through, though usually I'm like bam bam, bam, but today I'm just a little bit like um bam bam, not really sure. Bam, bam, not really sure.
Speaker 1:So, yeah, all I can think about at the moment is horses. That's literally like what occupies my mind probably about 85% of the time Me jumping my horse, me brushing my horse, me accidentally hitting my horse's nosy with the broom. That was a sad time. She was sniffing the broom. I was picking it up off the floor. She was sniffing it. I didn't see and then it was like bonk. It was like something out of a cartoon. Anyway, it's not animal abuse, I promise, um, because what am I doing? I'm just digging myself a little hole here, guys, I love my horsey. It's pretty much all I think about. And then I get videos of my horse and I just watch them over and over again. I watch the freeze frames. I think this is what people do with their children, but I'm doing it with a horse, so at least I don't have to give birth to it. That's the best outcome from that situation.
Speaker 1:So there's a bit of guilt for not giving enough, enough number of presents. I mean, if you literally watch Harry Potter and he's like 36, 36, but last year, last year, I had 37, and then he goes out and gets the 37th and 38th, but but, dudley, some of the ones last year were significantly larger. No way, some of them this year are significantly larger. Guys, this is from harry potter. Um, I'll shut up now.
Speaker 1:So, yeah, I think marketing is one of the things that makes us feel guilty, because if you actually talk to anyone that you love, if you go, do you want gifts? Like and you know I haven't got much money, or like you know I would rather spend time with you than spend loads of money, if that's okay. If they're gonna go, no, you need to spend loads of money on me and put yourself into debt and I don't want to spend any time with you. Then you really have to question are they someone that you love? Are they someone that you want to spend time with? Are they someone that loves you? Are they worth it? Maybe not? I don't know. I don't want to speak for you guys, but I'm getting those vibes.
Speaker 1:So I think managing the expectations is going to be the first step to solving solving present difficulties. Oh god, I feel like the words are really not coming out of my brain today. Usually I'm like they're fucking flying out, but we're hesitant. Today we're hesitant and I'm admitting it because we're gonna admit our flaws. Oh god, I need to drop my iPad on the floor, then that's um, there we go. We'll put it there, because I'm like looking behind me, it's, it's not a great look, is it okay? So I basically said to my boyfriend, like chill out, like come on, we need to calm down. Do we even want to do Christmas presents? Like does it even matter that much? Like I'm fine with not getting any Christmas presents, I'm fine with not. You know, if you don't want to get me any, I'm fine if I don't get you any, or like just one, and we know what we're going to get.
Speaker 1:And it doesn't have to be anything crazy, something useful. And actually guys this is another tip, I'm just throwing them right out here Talking to people about what you actually want and what they want, like as a literal gift list that was a gift list is like a really difficult thing to say gift list, list, gift, okay. So that's something I never did as a kid. You just sort of got gifts and then you were like oh, this is great and like maybe through your like younger adult life, but then then you started like needing stuff and if you haven't got loads of money, actually getting stuff that you need is like super useful, because you're like well, I needed um, new underwear, and it's like I just can't. I haven't, you know, can't be arsed, haven't had the time, whatever haven't like had the mental energy to go out and get myself some new pants and they're all like holy and very questionable about whether I should be wearing them in public or not, but alas, we still do. Uh, so I say, look, I want some pants for Christmas. That's not even a bad gift and they only cost a couple of quid. I just want pants, that's all. I want socks, pants um, I do actually want toiletries. So then I don't have to buy them myself because I hate going shopping, and that's the other thing. I hate buying gifts because I really hate shopping.
Speaker 1:I literally I had to walk. I had to go get my mac looks out the other day because of the screen and I went in through boots. I nearly got run over. In fact I did get run over. I had to jump out of the way of somebody mowing me down in a wheelchair. I was gonna say a wheelbarrow, then horse brain in a wheelchair.
Speaker 1:This lady just didn't give a shit. She just wheeled this man out into the middle aisle just like straight into my legs, and thankfully I'm quick. I'm quick and light on my feet. Not really, but at that point in time I was, because I could see it coming out the corner of my eye, I was like, oh she's. She's literally gonna mow straight into me. Like I have right of way, there are no traffic lights, but I have right of way, I'm in the middle aisle. She's coming off of a adjoining aisle. You don't have priority here, lady. Do you think that you do? Because the man's in a wheelchair? I don't know, but anyway, you're disrupting the flow of traffic. Wait for your turn. So anyway, I walk past. She mowed me over and I didn't look back.
Speaker 1:To be quite honest, I was in a rush. I'd left my phone in the car. I was stressed because I thought someone's probably gonna see it and break in and steal my phone. And then I'm without a computer and I'm without a phone right before Christmas, and that is um, pretty tragic state of affairs. So, alas, I went and got my phone and then I had to come back through boots, didn't get mowed down again, but it was a dangerous trip, let's put it that way.
Speaker 1:So I hate going shopping at the best of times and then do Christmas shopping. Like why do people do it? Just shop online? Why do you leave the house? I don't understand it. Like, why would you choose to go and put yourself in that situation. It's not cheaper, it's not more fun, I don't. I just like I need to get into the brain, into the psyche space of people who go physically Christmas shopping, because it honestly shocks me. I do not understand it. So I would rather sit at home, click closer buttons and it come to my door and get a nice dopamine hit from unwrapping it myself. And then do you know what I do? Actually really like giving presents, but I just I think it is an absurd amount of money and I don't really feel like I have that much money and I am trying to save for a house and then I just bought a horse. So it's like, uh, and then I'm spending like a thousand pounds on the house every month that I don't own. So it is a bit like, ah, even more anyway.
Speaker 1:Um, so ignore the marketing, try to. It's pretty impossible, isn't it? Don't watch tv or avoid the adverts, guys. Also, who is buying perfume off the basis of an advert? Not me. I will only buy perfume off how it smells, and even then I don't go into the shop, so I'm never going to know. So basically, I never buy perfume. The end.
Speaker 1:What was that story, dawn. Oh, my iPad's gone off, so let's get back on track, away from being mown over by wheelbarrows oh fuck, wheel chairs. He kicked me. He kicked me in the leg. Wow, I think having a chat beforehand is really the the only way to go.
Speaker 1:You know, look, I don't want many gifts, just I. I would quite like this one thing, if you know you're up to it. Um, I don't need. Um, I'm trying to think of pointless shit that people give. Uh, I was gonna say I don't need, like, I think is I do always use candles, but I'm sure there are people that get candles as presents and then literally don't burn them. I, I just don't need more pointless crap in my life. Like I just don't give me more things to look after. I don't need more pointless crap in my life, like I just don't give me more things to look after. I don't need more things. In fact, I have a habit on my phone I'm trying to get rid of one thing at least a couple of times a week. Not just rubbish, like actual stuff that I have lying around, like I don't need those plant pots sitting over there. I don't need that cable tie, I don't use this stuff, it's just sitting there like being a mess sounds like me.
Speaker 1:The other thing is right. So you're, you're over, you're over someone's house for Christmas. Then there's like loads of you, and then more people turn up and then it's like shit, I didn't get these people gifts, and it's fine if they don't get you a gift, but if you, if they get you a gift, then it's like awkward. I get this quite a lot and I'm like why, why did you get me something? I didn't need anything, why? And I don't know what to do about it. I, I really don't, and I'm sure that they're just giving me stuff that they've got for free, and if so, that is fine, and maybe that's what I should do. Do you know what? I might just start doing that, because I think if people you know it's about just giving something, isn't it? It's not about it costing loads of money. So there we go, loads of money. So there we go. I've just solved the problem.
Speaker 1:Um, but what I was going to say is, if you're with like a group of people, if people come as a family, I don't think it's unreasonable rather than like, okay, I'm gonna buy James a present, I'm gonna buy Henry a present. I don't know these people. I'm gonna buy Sally a present and I'm gonna buy Mark a present. I'm just gonna buy you all, as a family, a present so that it all makes it makes everybody's life easier and what you're gonna get is something that you can all use. I don't know a board game or that one just came off the top of my head that was kind of impressive, or I don't even know, because there's nothing there like all, like a picture frame. Do people use picture frames? I want picture frames. They're expensive. Try and get them with glass in good luck, 20 quid.
Speaker 1:So, oh, one thing that I do get quite often actually as a present, is a notebook. Guys, I have about 50 notebooks. I don't need any more. Please don't give me any more. Just looking here, I mean there's one sat right there, oh, there's two, no two. I have so many notebooks. It's troublesome. They just keep popping up out of nowhere. People give me free ones in goodie bags. I have to just throw them away. I don't need notebooks, I just don't need them. Don't we do stuff online? Now? There was stuff on the computer, on the iPad. Please stop it. That's the other thing.
Speaker 1:Is you gotta think like I've given some gifts before and I can just tell that they don't want it and and I'm like I spent all this money. I got my hopes up, my hopes and dreams. I spent maybe 50 quid on something and I know that they're never going to use it. Now, now that I've seen their reaction to it and it's kind of like, well, what was the point of the element of surprise? There was no point. What was the point of the element of surprise? There was no point. Because I'm surprised that they don't want it. They're surprised that I got them it and we could have just all done without the surprises. Unless you know somebody really well and they've been dropping hints for a while. Just stay away, stay away from the surprises. Because then, oh also, so you've got people like books before and they go, yeah, I've got that one already or I've read it, and it's like why you may as well just got on them a book, book token, and it's like what's the point? But you may as well just got them a book, but then you get the one they've already read and that's more awkward than just giving them a book voucher or just keep the receipt easy, easy peasy.
Speaker 1:I think the last thing I want to mention, which is what I'm going to do this year, and I have done it before, but I'm going to do it again, but in a different way. I am making gifts. I'm putting now. It doesn't have to be like anything particularly cray, right. Somebody made me a candle once. That was great. They also made me a like a tie-dye t-shirt also great and probably not that expensive, probably like a fiber or something. You know. You just buy like a t-shirt and then just the dye and then you just learn how to tie dye and it can't be that hard because lots of people have done it. So I I wear it to bed. That t-shirt. It's got my name on it, pretty good, so, but some other people might not like that, I don't know. So, yeah, anyway, making gifts I think is super cool, right. So they know that you've put the time into it. They know that you've put the effort into it.
Speaker 1:You can make something that people eat. People love eating stuff. People love eating stuff. People love eating stuff at Christmas. People love eating stuff at birthdays. People just love eating stuff. You're never going to go wrong with food. So that won't be that expensive if you just make it and I think it's better than just going. Oh yeah, I bought you some like quality street from the shop cool, thank you. Not that I'm complaining about that, but actually I would be quite happy with that. But you know, making it, it also it's like an activity for you. I quite like making food when I can be bothered to do it, because it's really mindful and you get to lick the bowl perfect, what.
Speaker 1:So? What am I making this year? What I'm doing is I'm getting people's interest and I'm making art. I am an artiste now, so I'm gonna make artwork. It's gonna take me quite a lot of time, but I think it'll be good. I think it'll be worth it. I think they'll like it.
Speaker 1:I have liked all of the artwork gifts that I've gotten and it's always something close to your heart. You know, if somebody draws something of my horse, great, I'll fucking love it. If you would draw something of people's kids or dog or cat or whatever, they're probably gonna love it. It does take a while, so, um, get started early and be organized. But I was also thinking I could make like hamper gift sets for people, so, like, if they are getting a new car, I could make like a gift hamper, gift set with like new oil and a buffer and um, a steering wheel cover and actually all of those things together probably aren't that much. But, like you know, put them all together and it's like a nice combination gift and people do that and then they sell it for like more. So you could probably just do it and not spend as much on it and make it look really cute. Those are my thoughts.
Speaker 1:What are your thoughts about making gifts or giving gifts over Christmas? I think Christmas is the worst one because there's so many everyone's celebrating Christmas not everyone, but a lot of people are rather that when it's somebody's birthday, it's like okay, I'll give one gift, and then it's someone else's birthday in a month's time and I'll give them a gift, and it's not like bam all at once and painful for the bank account. Guys, don't bankrupt yourselves over Christmas. It's just not worth it for that short dopamine high. Anyway, yeah, let me know if you've got any other suggestions.
Speaker 1:Guys, there is actually an option if you are listening on the podcast. On the podcast only, there is a message me option, so you can actually and I can read it, but nobody sent me any yet. I don't think they know it's available because I haven't shouted it out. So please go on and say what are you doing for gifts this year? And even if you're listening to this, not at Christmas what do you do to, uh, give people gifts without breaking the bank or without, you know, wanting to kill yourself? So, good night, goodbye, good morning, good everything. Love you. Bye, have a good Christmas. Bye. I'm so awkward today. I'm not sure what's happened to me.
